Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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