i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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