Don't make out with my wife yet
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize