Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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