woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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