My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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