we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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