you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
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A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
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No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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