it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize