a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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