I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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