Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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