I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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