She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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