he wants to bone in the snuggie
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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