Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
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I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
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You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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