dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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