i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
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Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
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At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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