Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize