Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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