Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
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It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
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So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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