Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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