True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You ate ashes out of my bong
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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