We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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