On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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