I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
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We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
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YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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