So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize