I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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