chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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