Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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