I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize