Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
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I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
They are going to name an STD after you.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize