you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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