he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
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He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
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drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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