I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I wish there were birth control emojis
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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