I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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