Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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