She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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