were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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