He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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