my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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