before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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