just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
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She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
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On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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