I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize