im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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