O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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