ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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