I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
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1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
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While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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