you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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