To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
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Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
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I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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